I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
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I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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