Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
