On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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