woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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