in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
