i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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