Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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