I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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