i just sent this text using only my big toe
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
