I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
