your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
