My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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