Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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