Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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