wake up i wanna do it froggy style
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
