I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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