your room smells of hookers.
And success
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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