ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
