Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
