Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
