you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
