u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
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I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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