Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
