What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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