I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
