She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
