on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
