Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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