dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
