There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
