i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Operation Purity has been aborted
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
