did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
