There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
