he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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