i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
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My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
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How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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