you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had sex on a roof
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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