areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
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Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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