I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
