There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize