i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
