She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize