Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
