Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
