she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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