Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
