This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
