I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
