well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
