i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
