wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
