Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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