So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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