He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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