Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
