It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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