You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
