I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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